Saturday, July 07, 2007

Democrat, Republican, or Redneck?

From Jack Marlar down in Greenpond, SC, a guy with a 6-lber cannon in his front yard.

Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor? Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?

Which taxes should we raise to fund programs for pacification of terrorists?

Why is this street so deserted?
We should raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street to discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

Perhaps invite our terrorist friend to the table as well to discuss the reasons why we in the West generally and America in particular have caused him to resort to such violent and anti-social behavior.

We could also agree on why George Bush is at fault for all our problems including the high price of gas, the war for imperialism, global warming, 9/11 (stopping to thank Rosie O'D. for providing her wisdom), and Hurricane Katrina.

And did I mention that taxes should be raised?
Republican's Answer:
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:
(sounds of reloading)

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You are not taking that to the taxidermist."