Valentine's Reformed scentuality

 

Old but still funny.

Pastor, before your next sermon illustration about your wife . . .

Church of Fruits

So you've attended that one, too, huh? Oh, you pastored it? Yeah, it's too bad the nuts left over the fruity worship style.

Thanks for the image and shout out to Lee Grady, a recovering Floridian, who has a lot of experience identifying these kinds of churches.

Homeschool cartoon

The pulpit committee and the Bible scholar

The pulpit committee sat with august formality on the front rows of the sanctuary. 

The chairman of the pulpit committee asked the young pastoral candidate, "Son, do you know the Bible?"

"Yes, sir," the young man said as he sat up straight,"I really know the Bible."

"What part of the Bible do you know best?"

"Well," he said, " I know the New Testament the best."

The chairman nodded, "Why don't you just tell us something you know from the Bible. For instance, why don't you just tell us the story of the Prodigal Son."

"All right," said the young man as he took a short but deep breath.

"There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus who went down to Jericho by night, and he fell upon stony ground, and the thorns choked him half to death. The next morning, Solomon and his wife, Gomorrah, came by and carried him down to the ark for Moses to take care of him. 

"But as he was going through the eastern gate into the ark, he caught his hair in a limb, and he hung there for forty days and forty nights. And after he hungered, and the ravens came and fed him. The next day, the three wise men came and carried him down to the boat dock, and he caught a ship to Nineveh. 

"When he got there, he found Deliliah sitting on a wall, and he said, 'Chunk her down, boys.' 

"They said, 'How many times shall we chunk her down? Til seven times seven?'

"And he said, 'Nay, but until seventy times seven.' 

"So they chunked her down 490 times. She burst asunder in their midst, and they picked up twelve baskets of the fragments. And in the resurrection, whose wife will she be?"

The chairman sat there a minute with an intense look on his face. Then he said, "Fellows, I think we ought to call him. He's young, but he really knows his Bible."

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Netanyahu Urges US return to 1845 Borders

Netanyahu Urges U.S. Return to 1845 Borders
Israeli PM calls for “just solution” to end the conflict

Aboard Air Force Aleph (Reuters) – Speaking to reporters accompanying Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on his long flight to the United States tonight, Netanyahu spoke of the injustice and hardship Mexicans have endured since American forces annexed Texas in 1845. 

 “Tens of thousands of ordinary Mexicans were driven out of their homes – the only homes they had known for centuries - and forced to live in poverty and squalor south of the border imposed by American aggression,” Netanyahu said. 

“The Israeli and Mexican people agree on this: This festering wound will never heal until America takes bold steps to return to the internationally accepted lines of 1845."

"Clearly the settlement activity that’s taken place occupied Mexico since then is illegal. When I meet the President tomorrow I will tell him to halt all building activity in Texas immediately. Two lands for two peoples, yes, but not on land taken by force from Mexico,” the Prime Minister said.

President Barack Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu deliver a press conference following their meeting in the Oval Office. Screen-shot from official White House video. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Asked if his hard-line stance could hurt the U.S.-Israel relationship, Netanyahu reiterated Israel’s commitment to America’s security and the unshakeable friendship shared by the two countries, then added, “But who was it who said, part of friendship is being able to tell your friend the truth. The ball is now in Obama’s court.”

Valentines Day candy for the rest of us

Finally, you can find the help you need

Pablum for Christians

Scot Presbyterian praise dance

New! Post-Holidays Barbie

Don't ask a Mississippi grandma in a court of law

How's your Christmas going so far?

Mine too.

Surprise at the church Christmas party!

The church ladies' mission society was surprised and thrilled to have the Holy Spirit as their special guest at their annual Christmas party. He apparently answered Sister Sadie's prayer inviting him for the first time. A resolutions committee is now considering a society-wide vote to invite the Lord on an annual basis.

Related articles

• Ten symptoms your Christianity is too comfortable (genebrooks.blogspot.com)