Best of the Church Curmudgeon

I've enjoyed the Church Curmudgeon lately. Connect with him yourself and get a chuckle once a day. Here are a few of my favorites from the last few weeks:

Used to be 3 hymns, 3 points, pass the plate and done. Now they always got to surprise us.

Used to look at Natl Geo for strange piercings, clothing, and tattoos. Now I look at the worship team.

The bulletin's got more junk in it than Tuesday at the mailbox.

The Children's Ministry budget is outrageous! How much do flannel-graphs cost these days?

I don't mind standing on the promises, but I can't stand for a half hour while we sing about 'em.

I like how my pastor preaches especially to young people. It means I don't have to ever worry about getting convicted.

Youth pastor asked me if I even had a right side of the bed to wake up on. Punk.

I wonder if the old hymn writers ever get mad about how songleaders always leave out verse 3?

Every once in a while I raise my hand to rededicate. Helps the pastor's totals and it don't cost nothing.

What everybody else in this church needs is revival!

 

Is it a foyer or a narthex? I want to be on the right side of the church split

If there's no hell, where's the world going to in this handbasket?

 

Yes pastor, do teach us about stewardship while you sip on your $5 coffee. We're all ears.

I compared what this Bell fellow said to my Guideposts magazine, and I don't understand what all the fuss is.

The anonymous prayer request cards are very helpful for making veiled criticisms of the worship service. Thanks, pastor.

Worship leader: If you're trying to please us, "Shine, Jesus, Shine" does not count as an old hymn.

Had my Metamucil. Guess that makes me a Regular Baptist.

If the preaching was as loud as the music, and the music was as quiet as the preaching, my ears would be happy.

Pastor, if you don't start valuing the loyalty of the seniors, we'll find a church that does.

Don't care so much what you preach about, but if you get the flags on the stage wrong. . .

We can drop an innovation in its tracks at 50 yards. We are . . . the Senior Saints Phone List.

 

I bet Bev Shea could kick most of these modern worship whiners' tails around a stadium, and he's what, 101?

Hey Pastor, I like your missional tattoo. I got mine on a mission to kill Nazis.

 

Hey, worship leader, sing that phrase again. I didn't get it the first THIRTY times.